Out and About...

Hello there friends & readers,

We are all navigating the daily ins & outs of this crazy life of ours.  Most of us Millennials are always on the go, & most of us are doing it on Public transit.  This has been quite the topic these days, so Your Polite Friend wanted to throw in her 2 cents.

1) Have exact fair or figure it out in advance
In the internet age it is pretty simple to figure out how much a bus costs & ways to pay.  A simple google search & a trip to your local Walgreens can be a major time and energy saver.

2) Be aware of where you are sitting 
Most public transit has seats reserved near the doors for elderly & disabled riders.  If you take one of these seats be aware that you will likely be asked to move at some point.  Try & look at the patrons & offer your seat to anyone who might need it more than you.  Gentlemen, this includes ladies in heals who will have a harder time balancing with the jerky stops the average bus makes.  Make your grandmothers proud.

3) The seats are for your BUTT
Please keep your feet, bags, legs, or any other body part that is not your backside off the chairs.  The topic of "Man-spreading" has been a hot button these days, but us ladies & our purses are often guilty.  If there is plenty of space on the bus, great, go ahead, but if it is rush hour or just a particularly crowded ride, try & keep yourself as contained as possible.

If you are on a bus and someone has their items on a chair, it is perfectly polite to say "Excuse me" & gesture towards the seat you wish to use.  If after 2 or 3 "excuse me"s, you have permission to move their bag yourself.

4) Plan your commute
If you are commuting with items that take up a lot of space (groceries, large backpacks, luggage, storage bins, strollers, housewares... Your Polite Friend has seen it all), see if you can avoid rush hour.  Certain public transit lines are packed tighter than sardine cans during Rush Hour.  The 9 to 5ers will appreciate you waiting an hour, or going an hour earlier if you can.

If you have no choice, see if there is an alternate route you can take.  A different bus line or maybe walking 2 or 3 stops down so it is a little less congested.  All of this will make everyone commuting together more comfortable.

5) Keep the Music and Cellphone conversations LOW
Very simple: not everyone likes your music or likes to hear about your personal life.  Not much more to say about that.  Please just be quiet.

6) It is not your bathroom
Personal Hygiene is not OK on Public Transit.  Your Polite Friend wishes she didn't have to say this one, but sadly, she does.  Flossing, Nail Clipping, Teeth Brushing and anything in that realm is NOT OK!  Ladies, putting on makeup is alright as long as there is no chance that it will get on your fellow patrons, EXCEPT FOR PERFUME.  You do not know people's allergies so do NOT spray.

7) Wait for people to debark
Very simple math: You cannot get ON the train, if you don't let people OFF the train.  Stand away from the doors & wait for people to come off.  If someone is not letting you off, very loudly tell them "EXCUSE ME I WOULD LIKE TO GET OFF THE TRAIN/BUS". Sometimes a little public humiliation is OK to remind people that they might need to double check their behavior & personal space.  If they are still not listening, it is OK to push. 

Keep these tips in mind on your next trip out & about. This should help all of us have a more pleasant rides in our cities. 

That's all for now friends. Please keep checking back for more etiquette tips & questions answered & feel free to write in with any questions!

XOXO
Your Amie Polie (That's Polite Friend in French-Talk)

A Salute to...the MOVIES!

Hello there friends & readers,

Summer is here & that means summer blockbusters are at your local cinema & we are all flocking to go & see the latest from Hollywood.  

Here are some things that drive Your Polite Friend absolutely BANANAS when she ventures out to the cinema, & how to deal with them.

1) ARRIVE ON TIME
Seems like a no brainer, but it is shocking how many people seem to show up after the lights have gone down.  Your Polite Friend gets that some people hate it sit around in the theater watching the stupid ads before the movie starts, but most of us hate someone stumbling over us, stepping on our feet & spilling popcorn in our hand bags a lot more. If it really drives you that crazy to arrive 10 to 15 minutes early, then commit yourself to side aisle seats for the rest of your life.

If you arrive & the lights are lowered you are not allowed to:
- Crawl over people to try & find your friends (Even if they saved your a seat)
- Ask anyone to move over so you can sit with said friends
- Use your cell phone as a flashlight

If you see anyone doing this you have the right to refuse to move, tell them to turn off their phone, & if need be contact an usher.

2) BE QUIET
Telling people not to talk in movies is pointless because we do.  Your Polite Friend is just as guilty of this as everyone else.  So if you do want to say something to your movie companion: DO SO AS QUIETLY AS YOU CAN!!! Whispers should not be heard by anyone besides the person you are whispering to.  

If someone in front or behind you is offering far too much commentary on the film you are with in your right to POLITELY ask them to please be quiet.  "Please be quiet" is perfectly acceptable & is a little harder to ignore than the classic "Shhhhh".  If they continue, ask them one more time to be quiet & if it still gets worse you are with in your rights to go complain to a member of the theater staff.  

3) TURN OFF YOUR PHONE
This is one that Your Polite Friend cannot stand or stress enough.  From the second the lights go down to the second they go up TURN OFF YOUR PHONE & KEEP IT OFF.  Please note that Your Polite Friend said WHEN THE LIGHTS GO UP! NOT when the credits start.  Most movies these days will give you a little something post credits so you cannot start texting the minute the credits start.  Also, many people like to watch the credits so it is disrespecting them.  There is nothing else to say about this.  If you cannot be away from your phone for 2 hours, please stop going out to movies & stay home with Netflix.  

If someone has their phone out, you can lean over and kindly ask them to turn their phone off.  We all fantasize about grabbing it & dropping it in our soda but let's face it, an etiquette blogger cannot condone that behavior.  No matter how good it would feel.

Theater Staff Before I hear your objects about going to find a member of the theater staff being hard & annoying because you have to leave the movie & miss out, usually the threat of getting someone is enough to make others behave correctly.  Also, if you do have to do this, speak with a member of staff & ask for a refund or a pass for a next showing.

I hope you enjoy this tips for your next night out.

That's all for now friends.  Please keep checking back for more etiquette tips & questions answered & feel free to write in with any questions!

XOXO
Your Amie Polie (That's Polite Friend in French-Talk)

Concern for feelings

Hello there friends & readers,

Another reader question! 

Dear Your Polite Friend,
I recently got married.  My friend "John" says I should tell my ex who I haven't spoken to beyond "hello" in over 2 years.  My ex & "John" are friends, so I suspect he doesn't want to be the one to break the news.  Do I owe it to my ex?  If so, how do I tell them?

Dear Reader,
Congrats on the marriage.  I hope you had a great wedding & got your thank you notes out in a timely manner.  In response to your question: No, you do not have to tell your ex anything.  If you have not spoken to them in over 2 years, telling them now will seem out of the blue at best, & at worst look like you are rubbing it in their face.  

Thanks to social media it is likely your ex already knows you are married, either on their time line or someone else told them.  Either way, it is not your problem.  

I am not sure why "John" assumes you owe your ex anything, but I think your suspicions about not wanting to break the news are correct.  "John" should mind his own business & realize that everyone here is an adult who has moved on with their life.  Maybe "John" has always hoped you two might get back together & all three of you be friends in some kind of sitcom sort of way.

That's all for now friends. Please keep checking back for more etiquette tips & questions answered & feel free to write in with any questions!



XOXOXO
Your Amie Polie (That's Polite Friend in French-Talk)

Gratzi, Merci, Thank you

Hello there friends & readers,

I am so appreciative of all the attention I have received from you lately, which has inspired me for our next topic: Thank Yous.

We all have memories of Mom & Dad sitting us down after every Christmas & Birthday & having us write out a standard Thank You Note. Most of us found it annoying & boring. The idea behind a Thank You Note is that someone took the time from their life to think of us & send us a gift they thought we could like, & in turn we take the time from our life to tell them we appreciate it. Sounds like a nice gesture right? Thank You Notes are one of those things that in theory everyone can appreciate, but in practice is just a little too much work, kind of like flossing.


The Thank You Note is one of those timeless etiquette items that has had some issues adjusting to modern society. Questions like "Is a Thank You Email OK?" are debated constantly by etiquette experts, some on the side of adapting with the times, & others standing firmly on the side of tradition.


So here are my 2 cents in the pool, take them as you will: I love Thank You Notes. I love writing them, receiving them, shopping for them. This is mainly because I am obsessed with pens, stationary & getting mail. I am well aware that for a millennial, my tastes often fall closer to those of the Baby Boomers. I accept this. I also understand that for most people in my generation, an address book is electronic, & given that our friends move more often than we upgrade our iPhones, usually tragically out of date. Getting stationary, getting stamps, & getting a correct address is a big hassle when you are busy. So here is a cheat sheet to help you navigate the best way to tell someone you appreciate them:


Engagement, Bridal Shower, Wedding or Graduation Gifts:

The Law of the Land still says you have to send a written note for these gifts. I know that is not what you want to hear but just do it. Your older relatives will appreciate it. Mainly you are thanking them for thinking of you & coming to your event (if they did). Just suck it up & churn them out. Good news is you should have a correct address since you sent the announcement/invitation. Generally this should be done with in 2 to 3 weeks MAX of receiving the gift. This is not one that is going to change any time soon.


Personalized Gifts (Birthdays, Christmases, etc)

If someone took the time to get you something very specific to you, it really would be nice if you sent them a note. Like I said, I get it, hard. This is a situation where I feel email is acceptable, IF the email is more than 2 sentences. Tell them why you appreciate it & how much it means that the person went out of their way for you. Texts & Facebook really don't cut it for this kind of thing. I know some of you are going to ask "Why is an email more personalized than a Facebook message". I don't know WHY, but email just seems like you put a little more effort in. I don't make the rules, I just nicely remind you what they are.


A Nice Food or Beverage Item Contributed To Your Party

We Millennials are mostly getting to the age where our parties are a pot luck kind of thing. If someone brings a really nice dish or beverage to the party & you want to thank them, this is where texting & Facebook are OK. Just a quick "Thanks so much for coming! The Cider/Potato Salad/Chili were amazing!!!" is a very nice touch. This could also be done over Facebook. Generally it is best in a private message to the person. Group Messages are nice to thank everyone for coming, but if someone put a lot of effort in to a dish, or shelled out a nice amount for some quality drinks, they deserve their own little message. It will help ensure that they will be just as generous the next time. 

PLEASE REMEMBER: ANY MESSAGE IS BETTER THAN NO MESSAGE

If push comes to shove, any etiquette expert will tell you that any kind of message is better than none.  If sending an email or a text is all you can do, DO IT!!! Even if it is better or more correct to send a note.  Hell, a PHONE CALL is better than nothing, just find a way to say thank you.

That's all for now friends. Please keep checking back for more etiquette tips & questions answered & feel free to write in with any questions!


XOXOXO
Your Amie Polie (That's Polite Friend in French-Talk)

Back with a passion

Hello there friends & readers,

It has been a while since I updated all of you, sorry for my long absence.  But I am back & inspired anew to help navigate this crazy world out there.  Today we are going to discuss a topic very near & dear to my heart.  That topic is the etiquette of social dynamics.  Confused?  Keep reading.

In our social groups we generally fall in to different roles & there is always one person who is "The Planner".  They come up with the ideas, send out the e-vites, host the events, things like that.  They often do this because it works with the personality (the term control freak may be used occasionally to describe them), their schedule, or they just come up with good ideas & follow through with said ideas.  There seems to be a misconception that because this person is happy, or at least willing, to do all the planning-organizing-hosting things, you are on easy street & never have to plan an event of your own.  I am coming to you today to say this is wrong & is something that needs to be fixed.  Just because someone is willing to do the work, doesn't mean they don't want a day off occasionally. I bet if you asked your Planner Friend honestly how they felt about their role in the group, they might express an occasional feeling of hurt, frustration, or just being unappreciated because they are never invited anywhere in return.

This is an issue that can be aggravated by social media.  When your Planner Friend sees you out with other friends or at an event they didn't get an invite to, it is very hard not to take it personally & ask themselves why they were not worthy of an invite.  Yes, we often have multiple friend groups, which means multiple Planner Friends, but for the average person there is always a gut reaction of being slighted & left out.  Your Planner Friend might bring this up with you at some point, but it is very hard for people to have these conversations, as there is always this idea that if you complain about it, it is your problem.  We all need to try and be a little more considerate.

So what can you do? No, you do not have to keep a running tab of every time you have been invited somewhere & invite back that many times.  I am also not saying that you have to start hosting dinner parties even though you hate cooking.  I am saying that a once in a while a "Hey you want to get some Brunch?" type of offer goes a LONG way in reminding your Planner Friend that you care about them & enjoy spending time with them.

That's all for now friends. Please keep checking back for more etiquette tips & questions answered & feel free to write in with any questions!

XOXOXO
Your Amie Polie (That's Polite Friend in French-Talk)

Cellphones and modern annoyances

Hello there friends & readers,

Wow, 2 posts in the same month, I must be getting good at this.

Recently a question came my way via The Facebooks: "If you don't know if someone's phone will make a tone that will wake them up, is it OK to text them late? Or is it just plain impolite?"

Being the Millennial Miss Manners that I am, I was very interested in everyone's views on this.

The answers generally fell in to two categories, one group saying "No it is not rude" because you can change the setting to make your phone silent when you sleep, it is fine to text/call/whatever at any time;  the other saying "Yes it is rude" because the phone might be on for a reason & if it is not an emergency, you should email or contact them some other way or just some time later.

Questions like this are always hard.  Modern technology had given us a million ways to be connected but also a million was to accidentally be rude because we all see it differently.  And since you asked (why else would you be here) here is my view on the situation:

Most people bring up the fact that we have the ability to turn our cell phones on silent when we sleep so it is fine to text, call, email, snap chat, or whatever at any hour of the day & if the person is bothered, it is their fault for forgetting to turn it on silent.

I have a few issues with this.  First, it assumes that everyone has a smart phone with these functions.  Not every does.  Second, it assumes that everyone knows how to change the settings on their smart phone.  I am sure we have all had to explain how to do something smart phone related to someone in our life time.  Finally, there are a million reasons why someone might need to keep their phone on at night, most of them being due to emergency situations.  They might be a doctor, tech people, firefighters, or even the president.

When Your Polite Friend is faced with a situation like this, I fall back to my golden rule: "Treat other the way you want to be treated". Would it bother you to get a text at 11:30 pm? If the answer is yes, don't send a text at 11:30 pm. Very simple. With this also comes the understanding that if someone does call you at an off hour, you politely tell them (maybe the next day when you are more awake & able to express yourself nicely) that in the future you prefer not to be contacted after a certain hour.

There are other conversations that we will have to have about personal responsibility for our technology & alerting people to your schedule, but I think we will cover that at a later date.

That's all for now friends. Please keep checking back for more etiquette tips and questions answered and feel free to write in with any questions!

XOXOXO
Your Amie Polie (That's Polite Friend in French-Talk)

Let's go Clubbing

Hello there friends & readers,

Well, we have all just set our clocks forward one hour meaning we are staying up later & spring is officially here.  The weather is warmer so we can pull out our fun clothes & maybe hit up a dance club.  As someone who frequents clubs, I wanted to pass on a few tips for your next night out.

1) Do your Research

Some clubs have dress codes.  There is a reason if they do.  Most places will say this on their website in advance so please check it out.  No one wants to be the girl in the strawberry dress & white cardigan at the goth club.  Ambiance is important to clubs & the patronage is a big part of that.  Be creative & find a way to mold your personal style to the atmosphere the owners are after.  You will have more fun & won't have to answer the "are you lost" question every 15 minutes.

2) The Bar is a No Parking Zone

It is natural to want to congregate at the bar.  Don't.  Seriously, just Don't.  Get your drink & move away so others can get in behind you.  Nothing sucks more than having to shove through a wall of people when you want to get a drink.

If you are looking for a quiet place to talk, outside is always open, available, & you can smoke.

3) No Flashing (YOUR CAMERA)

A bright light in a dark room pisses everyone off.  I know we all want to document everything, but please do it outside.  This goes super duper QUADRUPLE! if there is a performance on stage.  Most venues that have performances will higher professional photographers who will have special permissions & access.  They do not need, or want, your help, your flash, or you getting in their face & maybe blocking their shot.  Just enjoy yourself, see the show, and save selfies for outside.

4) Stay on your Side of the Rope

This should go with out saying but unless you are performing at that venue, there is no reason for you to be back stage.  If doesn't matter if one of the performers is your bestie, significant other, mom, child, or twin.  If they are working and you are not, stay out of the back stage.  It is always crowded there & that is where people store personal items.

If the club has a VIP area & you were too cheap to pay for a pass, do not try & wedge/talk/coerce yourself in.  It makes you look cheap & insecure.  If you wanted to be there that bad you would have paid.  Be honest.

5) You are in Public, Please don't be Stupid

Want to know what sucks more than paying $15 for a cocktail?  Having that $15 cocktail knocked out of your hands by someone whose had $60 worth of Liquor.  There is this idea that when we go out we have to get wasted or it is not a good time.  Can we please all agree that this is a stereotype died with the American Pie Franchise?  Watch your alcohol.  For us ladies nothing sucks more than trying to pee in a stall someone has puked all over, or trying to step over someone who is passed out on the floor.  The staff at the club will appreciate it, your friends will appreciate it, your Uber driver will appreciate it.

Also, if your monitor your alcohol content you are less likely to loose something important, like your phone, wallet, or shoes.

6) Flirting is Fine, Grinding is Gross

You are going out to meet someone.  Awesome.  Flirt, smile, tell a joke, laugh, ask them to dance & maybe for their number.  All if this is great and one of the reasons people go out to clubs.  HOWEVER! Do NOT come up behind someone you DO NOT KNOW & start grinding on them or touching them.  It is a violation of personal space & is not OK.  If you did that ANY OTHER PLACE besides a club, that person would have the right to mace you & call the cops.  Just because there is music playing & people are dressed up does NOT mean you can suddenly get away with acting like a perv.

If you ask said person to Dance & they say yes, then grinding is totally acceptable.

7) Chairs are for Resting, Not for Nesting

Please don't pile all your stuff on the few available chairs because you don't want to pay for coat check.  People dance, people get tired, people want to sit.  Check your stuff at the door or freeze for those few blocks to the car.  The choice is yours.

Yes ladies, I know that most of our club wear is with out pockets & that can pose an issues.  However, there are plenty of cute over the shoulder purses, as well as mini back packs, that you can have on the whole night.  If it is truly and issue, put you id, cash/credit card, & keys in your tits & leave the rest in the car.  Your bra can hold it so you don't have too.

That's all for now friends. Please keep checking back for more etiquette tips and questions answered and feel free to write in with any questions!

XOXOXO
Your Amie Polie (That's Polite Friend in French-Talk)