This way to Adventure

Hello friends & readers,

As the holidays approach, many of us are going to be traveling to visit friends and loved ones.  Traveling is always a little stressful so here are some tips to keep the harmony with your fellow passengers as we all make our treks.

1) Thinking ahead helps keep a cool head

A little pre-planning when packing your stuff and dressing yourself can make a big difference when you are in line.  At most airports these days you have to take off everything you can and empty your bag before going through security.  Thinking about how much you are going to have to take off and what you will need to remove from your carry on bag can make a BIG difference where you have a security line hundreds of people long.  I know we all like to look stylish and arrive looking out best, but surely you have some good looking slip off shoes and can leave your jewelry in your bag for one day.

Also keep in mind your airports Data and wifi, if you are not printing your boarding pass make SURE you have the ability to open it when you reach the airport.

2) Close quarters means a close shave

When you are sitting right up against someone in a plane, you get to know a lot about them.  One thing you DON'T want to learn is the last time that person had a shower.  Body Oder can get very bad very fast on airplanes so make sure you shower thoroughly before you get on a plane.  DO NOT GO HEAVY ON THE PERFUME OR COLOGNE / BODY SPRAY TO MAKE UP FOR IT.  The only thing worse than body odor, is body odor mixed with Axe Body Spray.  Also you can potentially trigger an allergy reaction or asthma attack if you use too much of a scented product.

3) Pick your seats carefully

If you are someone who likes to get up a lot on flights, get an aisle seat.  If you like to sleep, get a window.  If traveling with family or friends, book soon enough that you can get seats together.  Do not ask ANYONE to trade seats unless it is truly mutually beneficial.  Asking someone to move back 5 rows and trade and aisle for a middle seat so you can be closer to your flying companion is 100% not acceptable.  Same with asking someone to get up ever 20 minutes because you stay super hydrated AND want to look out the window.

4) Supervise everything (and everyone) you bring on that plane

You are responsible for everything and everyone you bring on a flight.  If you drink explodes and gets on your fellow passenger, it is your job to clean it up and help them.  If your child is kicking the seat of the person in front of you, it is YOUR JOB to stop it ASAP.

We have all had the experience of taking a flight where there is a small child who is having a bad time.  It is hard on everyone, the crew, the parents, the passengers, not to mention the child! Some things that make kids cry on airplanes can't be helped, ears hurting being a big one (Your Polite Friend had an eardrum rupture on a flight and was ready to scream herself).  That being said, there are something that you MUST do if you are flying with a little one:
- Pack them QUITE toys to keep them occupied, if you have a laptop or other DVD playing, get an attachment with multiple headphone jacks.
- Make sure you or another adult are sitting with them and SUPERVISING THEM
- If they miss behave correct it ASAP (Throwing food, chair kicking, screaming they want something)
- Get them their own seat! Flying is expensive, but having that extra space for them is a god send if you need to change a diaper or just store some extra toys.  Also if you want to take a few minutes and eat something yourself, it is hard to do with anything in your lap.

That's all for now friends. Please keep checking back for more etiquette tips & questions answered & feel free to write in with any questions!

XOXO
Your Amie Polie (That's Polite Friend in French-Talk)

A Night Out

Hello there friends & readers,

As the fall weather is upon us & the days grow shorter, this is the time of year that we start going out to more INDOOR events.  In the past we have covered Going to the Movies & Clubbing, but there are plenty more venues for an evening out of the house, & they all have some different rules.  Here are some great tips for the various outings you might have:

THEATER, DANCE & CLASSICAL MUSIC:
Live performance is a great treat.  It can inspire your creative side and show you something new and different.

• How to Dress: I know that thanks to Mark Zuckerberg we all think Jeans & Hoodies are OK where ever we go, but please my fellow Millennials, can we make an effort when we go out? A nice part of shoes & a button down with those jeans go a long way to making you look like you are not being dragged to the theater by your mom.
• When to Arrive: This is a live show.  No matter how quiet you think you can be, you are bothering the audience & the performers when you try and sneak in.  The time of the show is on your tickets.  Aim to arrive 15 minutes early.
• What to Pack: If you think that you might have a cough attack, bring some water to sip, bring some lozenges but UNWRAP THEM PRE-SHOW (same goes for candy).
• Mobile Devices: Leave all phones in your pocket/jacket/purse on silent or off.  A vibrating phone next some keys or some change makes noise.  If you cannot stay away from your phone & messages for 2 hours, please look in to some of the wide array of smart watches out there these days, so you can check-in without having to light up the theater.
• Don't Forget: To clean up after yourself when you leave.  Drink containers, snack packages, programs, pick up all of it & put it in the recycling or take it home.

CONCERTS

Live Music is fun, grabbing a drink & rocking out to your favorite band? What could be better!

• How to Dress: Keep your shoes in mind if you are going to be standing all night.  Most concerts are standing room so ladies it might be good to leave the 4 inch heals at home.
• When to Arrive: Assuming you want to see the band, arrive on time.  Remember that most seats at these kind of events are first come first serve so if you want to get a good view, it might mean getting there really early.
• What to Pack: Try & avoid giant bags.  Space is always limited and coat check is expensive.  That said please remember to bring a coat if you are going out doors. Purses that are just over the shoulder & don't need to be HELD are very useful.
• Mobile Devices: Take pictures if you wish and feel free to Instagram them later but PLEASE keep the flash off.  As for leaving the ringer on...most of the time concerts are too loud to hear so just stick it on vibrate and put it in your back pocket.
• Don't Forget: To clean up after yourself when you leave (again).  Also depending on the venue size & location, getting home can be tough so plan again & be patient.

COMEDY SHOWS

We all need a laugh some times and going to see comedy is a great way to have some fun.

• How to Dress: These shows are usually casual.  So just relax & have fun.
• When to Arrive: Most shows are not assigned seats, so getting there early means you get the best choice of seats.  Also gives you a chance to catch up with friends because you don't want to be talking during the show.
• What to Pack: Most shows have a certain drink minimum, so bring your ID & maybe some cash to tip the server.
• Mobile Devices: Turn em off!!! If your phone goes off there is a good chance the performer is going to try & take it (the venues are usually more intimate) or at least call you out on it.
• Don't Forget: They can see you & call you out (unlike a play).  Sitting in the front if you are a talker might not be the best idea.

That's all for now friends. Please keep checking back for more etiquette tips & questions answered & feel free to write in with any questions!

XOXO

Your Amie Polie (That's Polite Friend in French-Talk)

Reading Recommendations

Hello there friends & readers,

We are going to start a new segment today: Reading Recommendations.  Just some great etiquette references for you to add to your home library.

TIFFANY'S TABLE MANNERS FOR TEENAGERS

This was the book that started it all for Your Polite Friend.  She was gifted it at the age of 13 and rereads it every year or so.  The book is simple, straight forward and too the point.  Illustrated to show the difference between a fish knife and meet knife, and the right way to hold them, this book is a quick and easy way for ANYONE at ANY AGE to learn the dos and don'ts of casual and fine dining.  From what to do when a conversation "turns" to how you CAN speak with food in your mouth, the books pack a great amount of information in to a small package.

Recommended for everyone, but a particularly great gift for the next generation, these tips are timeless, fabulous and useful for everyone.  Who knows, by gifting it, you might launch the next generation of etiquette bloggers.

That's all for now friends. Please keep checking back for more etiquette tips & questions answered & feel free to write in with any questions!

XOXO

Your Amie Polie (That's Polite Friend in French-Talk)

Mi Casa Es Su Casa

Hello there friends & readers,

It is October First! And for anyone in retail that means THE HOLIDAYS ARE AROUND THE CORNER!!! Which means food, family, and relatives or friends crashing on your sofa.  Lots of people in a small space can lead to tensions, so here are some notes for the hosts and hostess out there, as well as any guests.

Hosts & Hostesses:

Check with your Roommates: Seems like a no brain-er but sometimes in our excitement to see our old friends we might agree to let them stay before we check in with the other members of our household.  Maybe your Significant Other prefers to hang out in his bathrobe in the mornings and doesn't want your Mom on the couch.  Maybe your roommates prefer keeping the number of strangers they share a bathroom with to a minimum.  Either way nothing feels worse than having to go back to your guests & let them know the invitation is rescinded.  

Be Aware of Your Space: Do you really have the space to fit a guest?  Would it mean they are sleeping on the floor? Do you have pets?  Will other people be staying there? These are all things your house guest should know before they come stay with you.  No one likes arriving & expecting the guest room, only to find out they are on the pull out couch.  Just keep the lines of communication open.

Stock Up: You will have another person in the house: do you have enough toilet paper? paper towels? Coffee? Milk? Towels? A quick check a few days before can make a big difference on the essentials. If there is something you don't have enough of (towels for example), let your guests know it is BYO.  Also, it is VERY helpful to have another set of keys made for them so your guest can come & go as they please.

Talk Schedules: Is your guest in town for an event? Do they have other friends in the area they want to see? Are they traveling for work? Get an idea of how they want to spend their time.  Midnight Margaritas might not be so appealing to someone who has a breakfast meeting the next day.  

Be Honest About Your Schedule: How much time you will have with your guests? How willing you are to play tour guide?   Sometimes a guide book & recommendations for the area are all someone needs, other times they want as much time as possible with you.  If you are not up for it on weeknights, make they very clear when you are discussing the plans.  If the holidays are a stressful times because you are going to be cooking 24/7 and still need to do some shopping, it might not be a great idea to have guests who are not independent.


Guests:

Give Plenty of Notice: No matter how many times someone says "You are always welcome", you must give your host a heads up before you arrive.  A week is the minimum amount of time to give your host so they can properly check their calendars, stock up, & clean up.  If it is the holiday crunch time make it 2 weeks.

Bring a Gift: This person is saving you quite a bit in hotel fees & probably feeding you as well, the least you can do is give them a little present to let them know you appreciate them.  A nice bottle of wine, some chocolates or other desserts are always nice.  If you are stay for more than a few days, offer to take them out to dinner as well.  Don't forget that they will have a higher water, grocery & probably electric bill after your stay.

Offer to Help:  Most of the time your host will tell you to sit down and relax, but you should keep offering to give them a hand.  Clearing the table, doing the dishes, & other small items like that are a big help.  If your stay is more than a few days, offer to make dinner for them one night.

Pick Up After Yourself: If you are staying in a guest room, you can be a little more relaxed, but if you are in the living room, please keep your dirty clothes in your bag, & your shoes off the furniture.  When it is time to leave, strip the bed and bring the bedding to the laundry hamper.

Don't over stay your welcome: Have a very clear departure date when you set up the stay.  Be honest about how much you'll expect from your hosts in terms of chauffeuring, tour guiding, & the hours you like to keep.  If you are coming to the area ever month, try and rotate who you stay with so as not to annoy your friends.  

That's all for now friends. Please keep checking back for more etiquette tips & questions answered & feel free to write in with any questions!

XOXO

Your Amie Polie (That's Polite Friend in French-Talk)

Pulling out of a conversation

Hello there friends & readers,

Another Reader Question! I must be doing something right!

“Dear Your Polite Friend: how do I leave a conversation with a stranger? People love to talk to me & I will talk to them but I don't know how to say 'thanks, shut up now' in a nice way...”

We have all been stuck in a conversation we can’t seem to get out of, you don’t want to be rude, & you also have to leave. There are several options for this situation ranging from the quietly courteous, to the silly.

- Be honest & up front: If you are short on time it is perfectly acceptable to say “This is fascinating, & I need to catch a bus / get home & meet someone / have a meeting”.  If you know the person, offer to talk to them again later either online or on the phone; if you don't, just nicely say thank you & walk away.

- Just wrap things up without any window dressing: It's often fine to just say you've got to go without any explanation, especially if you know the person already. They'll understand you've got things you need to do and won't be offended.
"I gotta run, good talking to you."
(Talking on the phone) "Well I'm gonna go. I'll talk to you later."
"Alright" (To agree with what they just said) "Anyway, take it easy man." (As you're heading off)

- Just keep walking: One easy way to not get stuck is stay in motion.  Are you at the store? Never stop moving down the aisle.  On the street? Keep walking forward.  At work? Have a notepad on you.  Once they see you are walking away they will take the hint.  Just give a one like retort & move on.

- Fake you got a call: Not the MOST polite thing in the world but VERY useful if you are shy.  Take out your phone, look at it & say "Oh gosh, I really need to take this" & walk away while "answering" it.  Putting some physical distance between you and the person is always a way to stop the chat.

- If all else fails: Your Polite Friend likes to use the “Well, if you will excuse me, my pig is on fire” & walk away. This is an old trick from Ren Fair.  Use only if you must.

Now, sometimes the hardest part is interrupting someone who keeps talking, we were all told by our mothers that interrupting people is impolite.  This is true, HOWEVER, not letting someone get a word in edge wise is ALSO impolite.  We all need to breath at some point so a perfect spot is when they take a breath.  If this is someone who has the power to talk & breath at the same time, you are allowed to say "Excuse me" to make your point that you need to leave.

That's all for now friends. Please keep checking back for more etiquette tips & questions answered & feel free to write in with any questions!

XOXO

Your Amie Polie (That's Polite Friend in French-Talk)

The Manners of Social Media Part Deux

Hello there friends & readers,

Your Polite Friend was recently contacted in a discussion about social media. This is going to be a long one so I have decided to split it in to two posts. Now that we have read part one & had some time to chew it over, we continue with part two. Hope you enjoy.

When does sharing turn in to TMI?

After going over the etiquette of what to post to social media, the question was then WHEN to post to social media. What is over sharing in this modern world?

This is another one that is different for each person. Some of us want to see every picture of every event their friends go to & some of us would rather not. For these kinds of issues I feel it is more the responsibility of the viewer to manage what shows up on their news feed than the poster. Grandma driving your crazy with 100 pictures a day of her Pug Dog Mr. Snuggles? Is your sister posting a picture every 5 minutes of her baby? Your bestie Instgraming every meal they have ever eaten? Maybe filter those out of your everyday posts from the main feed, either by grouping them or just unfollowing them. There is no need to get annoyed because someone has a passion for something you don’t share & they are using social media to talk about it. Our hobbies are no longer limited to just the people at our quilting circle or local golf course.

If someone is really going overboard with their posting, talk to them Off Line or “IRL” as the kids say it these days. Calmly explain that you feel they are oversharing & might want to tone it down a little. Be careful in how you approach this conversation. As we covered in our last topic, some people see social media as a source for spreading their views on political topics, so telling them to tone it down might be tricky.

That's all for now friends. Please keep checking back for more etiquette tips & questions answered & feel free to write in with any questions!

XOXO

Your Amie Polie (That's Polite Friend in French-Talk)

The manners of Social Media.

Hello there friends & readers,

Your Polite Friend was recently contacted in a discussion about social media.  This is going to be a long one so I have decided to split it in to two posts.  Here is part one.  Hope you enjoy.

Social Media, Free Speech or No?

Someone came to Your Polite Friend with a question: Should I filter what I post on my social media if I know it is going to upset someone?

This is one of those questions that seems super easy when you first think about it, but gets a little more complicated the more you discuss it.

Very Simply: Your Facebook page & feed is your own & you are allowed to post whatever you wish (that doesn't violate the Facebook laws).

HOWEVER, just like the rest of your life, you are not free from any consequences from you postings.  In Social Media, this can mean being blocked, being unfollowed, being unfriended, or starting a flame war; not to mention the off-line consequences on top of that.  Some of this is just the inevitable end of sharing an opinion on the internet.  Some of it is avoidable, if you are willing to keep your political or other touchy opinions to yourself.

This is where you need to ask yourself if sharing your opinion means more to you than the potential negative feed back you might get from friends & family.  This is a personal decision that comes down to what you see the point of Social Media being.  Is it a place to share fun pictures & reconnect with friends?  Or is it a place for you to get your message out to a broader audience?

One issue that often comes up when dealing with anything over the internet, is a certain amount of human communication is lost. Very few of us are professional writers (Your Polite Friend Included) & will always struggle with making ourselves perfectly understood over type.  Inflection, facial expression, body language are all lost when dealing over type. Also, honestly, sometimes it is much easier to be nasty when you are not looking the other person in the face.  These are all things to keep in mind when sharing your opinion or commenting on someone else's.

No matter what you decide, your feed & your page are yours.  If someone replies to a post you make with something horrible you are with in your rights to delete it, & despite what they might claim, deleting a comment is NOT censorship.

Some people have 2 Facebook profiles to help deal with this.  One for Public & Family, & another for more personal use.  This is a great solution to help avoid conflict, particularly for work or family.  Another option is to set different privacy levels for different people & make sure not everyone can see everything you post.  This is entirely up to you & what works best for your life style.

All of this comes down to what you're most comfortable with readers.  If you have thick skin & can handle the possibility of people being upset of what you say, then share away, but please be aware that this can drive other people away.  If you are not super thick skinned & prefer to keep your online conversation light & fun, maybe keep political debates to the dinner table.

We will continue this conversation in Part Two, check back for more social media etiquette tips.

That's all for now friends. Please keep checking back for more etiquette tips & questions answered & feel free to write in with any questions!

XOXO
Your Amie Polie (That's Polite Friend in French-Talk)