A Salute to...the MOVIES!

Hello there friends & readers,

Summer is here & that means summer blockbusters are at your local cinema & we are all flocking to go & see the latest from Hollywood.  

Here are some things that drive Your Polite Friend absolutely BANANAS when she ventures out to the cinema, & how to deal with them.

1) ARRIVE ON TIME
Seems like a no brainer, but it is shocking how many people seem to show up after the lights have gone down.  Your Polite Friend gets that some people hate it sit around in the theater watching the stupid ads before the movie starts, but most of us hate someone stumbling over us, stepping on our feet & spilling popcorn in our hand bags a lot more. If it really drives you that crazy to arrive 10 to 15 minutes early, then commit yourself to side aisle seats for the rest of your life.

If you arrive & the lights are lowered you are not allowed to:
- Crawl over people to try & find your friends (Even if they saved your a seat)
- Ask anyone to move over so you can sit with said friends
- Use your cell phone as a flashlight

If you see anyone doing this you have the right to refuse to move, tell them to turn off their phone, & if need be contact an usher.

2) BE QUIET
Telling people not to talk in movies is pointless because we do.  Your Polite Friend is just as guilty of this as everyone else.  So if you do want to say something to your movie companion: DO SO AS QUIETLY AS YOU CAN!!! Whispers should not be heard by anyone besides the person you are whispering to.  

If someone in front or behind you is offering far too much commentary on the film you are with in your right to POLITELY ask them to please be quiet.  "Please be quiet" is perfectly acceptable & is a little harder to ignore than the classic "Shhhhh".  If they continue, ask them one more time to be quiet & if it still gets worse you are with in your rights to go complain to a member of the theater staff.  

3) TURN OFF YOUR PHONE
This is one that Your Polite Friend cannot stand or stress enough.  From the second the lights go down to the second they go up TURN OFF YOUR PHONE & KEEP IT OFF.  Please note that Your Polite Friend said WHEN THE LIGHTS GO UP! NOT when the credits start.  Most movies these days will give you a little something post credits so you cannot start texting the minute the credits start.  Also, many people like to watch the credits so it is disrespecting them.  There is nothing else to say about this.  If you cannot be away from your phone for 2 hours, please stop going out to movies & stay home with Netflix.  

If someone has their phone out, you can lean over and kindly ask them to turn their phone off.  We all fantasize about grabbing it & dropping it in our soda but let's face it, an etiquette blogger cannot condone that behavior.  No matter how good it would feel.

Theater Staff Before I hear your objects about going to find a member of the theater staff being hard & annoying because you have to leave the movie & miss out, usually the threat of getting someone is enough to make others behave correctly.  Also, if you do have to do this, speak with a member of staff & ask for a refund or a pass for a next showing.

I hope you enjoy this tips for your next night out.

That's all for now friends.  Please keep checking back for more etiquette tips & questions answered & feel free to write in with any questions!

XOXO
Your Amie Polie (That's Polite Friend in French-Talk)

Concern for feelings

Hello there friends & readers,

Another reader question! 

Dear Your Polite Friend,
I recently got married.  My friend "John" says I should tell my ex who I haven't spoken to beyond "hello" in over 2 years.  My ex & "John" are friends, so I suspect he doesn't want to be the one to break the news.  Do I owe it to my ex?  If so, how do I tell them?

Dear Reader,
Congrats on the marriage.  I hope you had a great wedding & got your thank you notes out in a timely manner.  In response to your question: No, you do not have to tell your ex anything.  If you have not spoken to them in over 2 years, telling them now will seem out of the blue at best, & at worst look like you are rubbing it in their face.  

Thanks to social media it is likely your ex already knows you are married, either on their time line or someone else told them.  Either way, it is not your problem.  

I am not sure why "John" assumes you owe your ex anything, but I think your suspicions about not wanting to break the news are correct.  "John" should mind his own business & realize that everyone here is an adult who has moved on with their life.  Maybe "John" has always hoped you two might get back together & all three of you be friends in some kind of sitcom sort of way.

That's all for now friends. Please keep checking back for more etiquette tips & questions answered & feel free to write in with any questions!



XOXOXO
Your Amie Polie (That's Polite Friend in French-Talk)

Gratzi, Merci, Thank you

Hello there friends & readers,

I am so appreciative of all the attention I have received from you lately, which has inspired me for our next topic: Thank Yous.

We all have memories of Mom & Dad sitting us down after every Christmas & Birthday & having us write out a standard Thank You Note. Most of us found it annoying & boring. The idea behind a Thank You Note is that someone took the time from their life to think of us & send us a gift they thought we could like, & in turn we take the time from our life to tell them we appreciate it. Sounds like a nice gesture right? Thank You Notes are one of those things that in theory everyone can appreciate, but in practice is just a little too much work, kind of like flossing.


The Thank You Note is one of those timeless etiquette items that has had some issues adjusting to modern society. Questions like "Is a Thank You Email OK?" are debated constantly by etiquette experts, some on the side of adapting with the times, & others standing firmly on the side of tradition.


So here are my 2 cents in the pool, take them as you will: I love Thank You Notes. I love writing them, receiving them, shopping for them. This is mainly because I am obsessed with pens, stationary & getting mail. I am well aware that for a millennial, my tastes often fall closer to those of the Baby Boomers. I accept this. I also understand that for most people in my generation, an address book is electronic, & given that our friends move more often than we upgrade our iPhones, usually tragically out of date. Getting stationary, getting stamps, & getting a correct address is a big hassle when you are busy. So here is a cheat sheet to help you navigate the best way to tell someone you appreciate them:


Engagement, Bridal Shower, Wedding or Graduation Gifts:

The Law of the Land still says you have to send a written note for these gifts. I know that is not what you want to hear but just do it. Your older relatives will appreciate it. Mainly you are thanking them for thinking of you & coming to your event (if they did). Just suck it up & churn them out. Good news is you should have a correct address since you sent the announcement/invitation. Generally this should be done with in 2 to 3 weeks MAX of receiving the gift. This is not one that is going to change any time soon.


Personalized Gifts (Birthdays, Christmases, etc)

If someone took the time to get you something very specific to you, it really would be nice if you sent them a note. Like I said, I get it, hard. This is a situation where I feel email is acceptable, IF the email is more than 2 sentences. Tell them why you appreciate it & how much it means that the person went out of their way for you. Texts & Facebook really don't cut it for this kind of thing. I know some of you are going to ask "Why is an email more personalized than a Facebook message". I don't know WHY, but email just seems like you put a little more effort in. I don't make the rules, I just nicely remind you what they are.


A Nice Food or Beverage Item Contributed To Your Party

We Millennials are mostly getting to the age where our parties are a pot luck kind of thing. If someone brings a really nice dish or beverage to the party & you want to thank them, this is where texting & Facebook are OK. Just a quick "Thanks so much for coming! The Cider/Potato Salad/Chili were amazing!!!" is a very nice touch. This could also be done over Facebook. Generally it is best in a private message to the person. Group Messages are nice to thank everyone for coming, but if someone put a lot of effort in to a dish, or shelled out a nice amount for some quality drinks, they deserve their own little message. It will help ensure that they will be just as generous the next time. 

PLEASE REMEMBER: ANY MESSAGE IS BETTER THAN NO MESSAGE

If push comes to shove, any etiquette expert will tell you that any kind of message is better than none.  If sending an email or a text is all you can do, DO IT!!! Even if it is better or more correct to send a note.  Hell, a PHONE CALL is better than nothing, just find a way to say thank you.

That's all for now friends. Please keep checking back for more etiquette tips & questions answered & feel free to write in with any questions!


XOXOXO
Your Amie Polie (That's Polite Friend in French-Talk)